Letting go of Chaos

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Sending love to all this full moon February. I hope your year is off to a good start. I am feeling very alive and switched on after participating in some great workshops and tarot trainings this year already ~ What a way to begin! Feeling grateful for my community and the growth, inspiration and guidance I enjoy as a therapist. The learning never ends. Thank you for being a part of it! 

RECIPE FOR THIS MONTH

Letting go of chaos...

"If you grew up in a home where Chaos was present or it's what got you attention, look to see the ways in which you may be drawn into, create, or crave chaos now. It may be one of the only ways your system knows how to be because of familiarity, and it may be the only way your system is convinced it can get connection or love."

~Vienna Pharaon MFT

Peace can feel unfamiliar as those in recovery know. When our path unfolds into a secure-functioning relationship, addiction recovery or emotional stability, we begin to experience a strange phenomenon - a distinct absence of chaos. Initially we may confuse this serenity with boredom or even depression. If we go deeper we may observe ourselves unconsciously gravitating away from the unfamiliar calm and back to the chaotic familiar. This is a natural part of the process. It may look like picking a fight with our partner, engaging in gossip, trying to "save" someone, way over-scheduling ourselves or worst case, relapsing in an addiction. None of us lives a fantasy life completely free of drama and drama is an exciting and essential part of the human experience. However, with awareness, support and practice we start to enjoy peace more and crave chaos less. We start to feel invigorated, healed and inspired by the space peace creates. When we inevitably feel the pull to chaos we start to let go of the rope. Imagine a muddy game of tug or war in which you let go of the rope, walk off the field and slip into a hot bath. Letting go of the rope is a choice and a powerful practice in self compassion and staying centered. It is practicing the art of staying centered called boundaries. Letting go of the rope may look like not responding to an inflammatory text message, choosing to talk with a good listener instead of fighting to be heard, choosing self care over people pleasing, not overbooking ourselves or taking space from a toxic relationship.

What does letting go of chaos and inviting more peace look like for you today?

If you feel moved, make a list of old beliefs, behaviors, relationships or obligations that create more chaos than peace. As you look at this list imagine compassionately letting these elements go. What do you feel inside? Without judgement ask yourself, am I willing to let go? Where do you feel that willingness in your body?

Fun option: Burn the list over a bowl of water and pour onto the earth or down the drain.....

FAVORITE FEBRUARY BOOKS

Wyrd sisters Oracle Deckby Casey Zabala

Book of Tokens Tarot meditations by Paul Case

We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love by Stan Tatkin

If you are a student of the Tarot or are interested in the Tarot, Maria Ellen Chiaia PhD MFT is teaching this wonderful class at the San Francisco Jung Institute:

LIVING SYMBOLS OF THE TAROT: A JOURNEY THROUGH ARCHETYPAL PATTERNS OF SOUL

FEBRUARY TAROT CARD:

THE STAR

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

How are you letting your gifts be seen?

How are you stepping into the power of vulnerability?

What old beliefs and ways of being are you dissolving as you let your light shine?

Gathering the Bones

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Happy New Year and happy full moon! I hope you have a moment to bask in the moonlight this weekend. I invite you to also acknowledge yourself for navigating the holidays! If challenges arose - is there a way to use those challenges an invitation to get down to the bones of things and to what is most essential as you step into the new year? Winter is the season of the hag or bone woman archetype - the time where we are invited to come back to our most deeply held truths and values. Going "home for the holidays" is one way of returning to source at this time of year but on the deepest level...

What is it like to come home to yourself?

RECIPE FOR THIS MONTH

Gathering the bones....

Do some journaling, collaging, art work or free writing on the following....

1. What are some times in childhood or in the recent past that you felt most alive, in flow, embodied or blissful? Free associate and trust what comes up. List them out.

hint: These are often fleeting, personal or quiet moments. Like staring at a tree on the way to work, seeing our beloved cozy in bed or getting lost in art or cooking.

2. If you had "one year to live" - what do you picture yourself doing?Write what comes up. Would you sit in the garden, spend time with loved ones, create, travel?

3. Take these two ingredients and let them boil and bubble - reduce them down to their bones - distill them and notice the patterns they contain. What do you see? Name what you see to give you what Danielle Dulsky calls your "unburnablevalues."

For instance in . #1 if you have a memory of feeling fully alive in nature as a child and in #2 you also picture yourself spending time in nature one of your unburnables may be "connection with nature." Other examples of unburnable values are service, love, creativity, spirituality, pleasure....

Gather the bones and spend some time acknowledging these unburnables in a way that feels right to you. Bring them into consciousness by writing them down and placing them somewhere visible like an altar space. Perhaps use an unburnable as the basis for a painting, poem or collage.

These unburnables will also connect you to your desires and intentions for the year. Begin to write these down if they are emerging.

4. What do you want?You can also begin to loosely gather information on what specific actions, people, classes, investments and supports will move you closer to those desires. I encourage you to do this gently like you would gather images for a collage, giving yourself time to be in the liminal space of the new year. Next month is a wonderful time to look at these aspects again and then move forward with passion, purpose and commitment.

~ inspired and adapted from Danielle Dulsky's Bone Vision Mandala.

FAVORITE JANUARY BOOKS

Tarot for Yourself by Mary K Greer - This is wonderful book about Tarot from a Jungian perspective. - It is also an experiential workbook that guides you through your own unique journey of exploring the Tarot.

Many Moons Lunar Planner - I have been using this planner for a few years and I can not sing it's praises enough. It has helped me in countless ways to create more awareness, balance and abundance in my life.

This Mythic Life - monthly membership program. Sharon Blackie's membership program offers monthly modules on mythological, feminist, Jungian and archetypal themes. Her work has had such a profound impact on me. A treasure trove!

JANUARY TAROT CARD:

THE EMPEROR

In Numerology, each year has a Major Arcana card and 2020 is the year of the Emperor. This is an invitation to work with themes of power, the Father and Eagle vision. In the words of Sarah Gottesdeiner, "How can you be your own Daddy?" The number IV is a stable number that like a house with four walls, offers shelter and containment. The Emperor archetype within can see a goal in the distance and harness resources, strategy and energy as she moves methodically towards her target.

What is your highest goal? How are you strategically and methodically pursuing this goal one day at a time?

What systems and power dynamics are you outgrowing and overthrowing as you claim your own sovereignty?

How can you enjoy a sense of inner strength and security?

Winter Nourishment

Dear Community,

Happy Winter! We are again nearing the longest night of the year and the slow return of the light. The wheel of the year keeps on turning.....

I am deeply grateful for this year. I am thrilled to have a business that for me marries spirit and matter. Thank you for touching my heart and being a part of it! 

Winter is the time of longing where we are invited to go inside and make room for the depths. To make room for deep feelings and a nameless longing that tugs our heartstrings. We are invited to let this longing emerge and if we are rebellious enough ~ to let it linger. If we let the longing gestate it can collage our deepest hopes before our mind's eye. Contrary to culture - for me this is not time for making resolutions and figuring it all out....it is time to let the longing boil and bubble. If we let it simmer, come spring we will have a hearty broth. Then, as we see the first shoots rising ~ intentions can be molded and formed. But for now let's snuggle up and have tea with the longing. Take refuge in story and in eternal time. Let the song of winter soothe your old bones and rest dear friend....rest. Even if we hustle and bustle ~ let's sip our tea, take one deep breath, drink in moments of solitude and say no to just one thing.....

What song does your longing sing?

THE THREE R'S

Rest ~ breathe, say no, sip tea, take baths, enjoy movies, books, audiobooks and poems. Ask yourself, what would be easy? What would I do if I was prioritizing my own well being above obligation?

Reflection ~ without judgement, giving yourself time to let memories, thoughts and unanswerable questions bubble up into consciousness. Consider, what are some well memories from this year? These are memories where you felt strong, alive or connected. Journal if you feel like it or write a letter to someone special.

Ritual ~ engaging in easy rituals to ground and resource. Light a candle or take an herbal bath. Try making a simple alter at home that sings to you about what you hold dear. Watch a movie that is special to you from childhood. Draw one tarot card in the morning while you sip your tea or coffee.

I added two of my own....

Resource ~ resource yourself in every way possible. Have your favorite foods handy, make a big pot of ginger tea, get plenty of rest. Spend time with the elements ~ water ~ earth ~ fire ~ air. Look at the word re-SOURCE. Connect with your personal sense of SOURCE. Steep in this source.

Recovery ~ If you are in recovery from addiction, codependence, disordered eating, depression, anxiety trauma, sex and love addiction, work addiction (we are all in there somewhere :) then make your recovery a top priority. Attend your meetings, connect with your mentors and fellows, maximize time spent in supportive environments and minimize or eliminate triggering people, places or things. Nothing is more important that your recovery.

FAVORITE DECEMBER BOOKS

The Holy Wild: A Heathen Bible for the Untamed Woman by Danielle Dulsky

Winter Hours by Mary Oliver

Anam Cara A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O'donahue

The Mist Filled Path: Celtic Wisdom for Exiles, Wanderers and Seekers By Frank MacEowen

DECEMBER TAROT CARD:

2 OF CUPS

Soul relationship. The exchange of emotion through communication. The willingness to share and the skill of receptivity. The marriage of complementary elements creates healing and alchemy. The marriage of two creates something new. Did you know that alchemical stoves had over 40 compartments in which all manner of substance and combinations could be boiled and bubbled at various heats. Something always cooking, transforming, in a state of flux - just like us - just like any relationship. The marriage of spirit and matter as represented by the alchemical lion with wings. This card may point to the soul connections in your life but most deeply, the two of cups speaks to us about the relationship we have with ourselves. The Self is where the union of opposites takes place and where the journey from dualistic to wholesome is taken. As we embrace and explore all parts of ourselves we perform our own internal alchemy and distill the gold of our own wholeness.

As you navigate this season I invite you to hold your relationship with yourself as sacred. Take time for yourself and let the waters of communication flow within ~ through simple rituals ~ journaling, a few moments of painting, lighting a candle, sipping tea mindfully......

Paris and Brittany

Dear Community,

Wishing each one of you a season full of warmth! I am recently back from Paris and Brittany and am feeling nourished and transformed by my journey. It was a wonderful opportunity to connect with ancestral lands.

Traveling in a conscious, grounded and intuitive way is one of my passions. Place teaches us. If I listen to a place, I listen to the soul of the world, sharing in her joys and sorrows. For me, sacred places are the cornerstone of a trip itinerary. These places serve as beacons and ground all the lovely shopping and eating in a spiritual context! Celtic sites and places of power for the ancient Goddess serve as my signposts - leading me toward deep discovery and remembrance. A trip begins with a calling to one of these places.

This journey began with a calling to the Carnac Alignements ~ the largest gathering of megalithic stones in Europe, standing for at least 6 thousand years.

The map evolved, leading me to the Forrest of Broceliande ~ home to ancient stories of King Arthur, the Lady of the Lake, the Faery folk and Druid magic.

Finally then to Mont Saint Michael ~ The island home to an ancient Abby and before that...a Celtic Giant. I wanted to come here to connect with Archangel Michael to whom the Abby is dedicated. I love Archangel Michael and I’m always drawn to places that celebrate him as a spiritual archetype.

What historical figures or archetypes intrigue you and pop up in your life?
What places and stories call you and stir your soul?

What are some ways you connect with your intuition and ground your intentions as you travel?

I like to draw a tarot card in the morning and notice how that image or archetype shows up during the day. The image also serves as a reminder of how to open to the day's unfolding. My therapist gave me the wonderful poem that follows. During the journey every time we transitioned to a new place we paused and read this poem together. We were amazed to see how the poem changed throughout the journey. The words acted as a sign post for the soul.

For the Traveler

Every time you leave home,
Another road takes you
Into a world you were never in.

New strangers on other paths await.
New places that have never seen you
Will startle a little at your entry.
Old places that know you well
Will pretend nothing
Changed since your last visit.
 
When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way,
More attentive now
To the self you bring along,
Your more subtle eye watching
You abroad; and how what meets you
Touches that part of the heart
That lies low at home:
 
How you unexpectedly attune
To the timbre in some voice,
Opening in conversation
You want to take in
To where your longing
Has pressed hard enough
Inward, on some unsaid dark,
To create a crystal of insight
You could not have known
You needed
To illuminate
Your way.
 
When you travel,
A new silence
Goes with you,
And if you listen,
You will hear
What your heart would
Love to say.
 
A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth,
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life,
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.
 
May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.
 
May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched, and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.
 
~ John O'Donohue ~

In case you too are called to this part of the world…Here are a few of my favorite things:

My favorite place for dinner in Paris: Josephine Chez Dumonet
My favorite place for shopping in Paris: Marche aux Puces de Saint-Ouen - Europe’s largest flea market.
My favorite place for relaxing in Paris: By the fountain at Le Jardin du Palais Royale
My favorite place for tea in Paris: Marriage Freres Rive Gauche. Try the gold cake!

Favorite place for plant/food magic and alchemy in Brittany: Le Coquilage ~ a five hour exploration of the sea and the land through taste and smell. More than just lunch!

My favorite medieval town in Brittany: Dinan. If you go you must stay at la Maison Pavie, the most charming hotel right in the heart of the historic town center.

If you go to Mont Saint Michael recommend staying overnight so that you can walk the island in the evening in the early morning when it is quiet and almost deserted. My favorite Airbnb of all time (so far) is located on the island. Le Tete Noire is simply charming and will infuse you with a sense of history. This sweet couple will serve you an incredible breakfast and if you’re lucky show you around their incredible home.

We also enjoyed some wonderful private guided tours through Localers Tours in Paris.

Enjoy!

Alchemy, Shadow and Alchemical Marriage

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Dear Community,

Here we go! The nights are getting longer, the earth's shadow time approaches and we are at October's doorstep. I hope you had a wonderful late Summer and I send each of you autumnal blessings for candlelight, apples, remembrances, reflections, bubbling cauldrons and crisp evening walks. We are heading towards the season of shadows - the season of illumining what is in the dark and lighting a candle for the unseen world.

I am welcoming the season with a two week trip and pilgrimage that I look forward to sharing about in next months email. 

A  highlight of September for me was the Embracing the Shadow Workshop. Big thank you to everyone who attended and shared their process. I was so moved by the ecstatic theme of alchemical marriage that came through in the group process.

When I make space for the shadow and the unseen world a rapturous love bubbles up. This is the alchemy of the inner or alchemical  marriage - the marriage of the masculine and the feminine, of the light and the dark, of the conscious and the unconscious, of Spirit and Matter. There is a deep attraction that exists between the two. The workshop revealed to me the depth to which the conscious and the unconscious - the Matter and the Spirit are seeking one another. What a romance! I see this ecstatic marriage as the substance of spiritual awakening - Of spirit coming into matter and Matter coming into Spirit. This inner marriage unites the two halves of self, masculine and feminine, conscious and unconscious. When the inner marriage takes place we can own our shadow and experience our wholeness. 

This is perhaps where the myth of the soulmate comes from - a love that completes us and creates an unshakeable foundation for life. Think of the inner marriage as you read Shakespeare's sonnet...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

One of the ways my husband and I work with the shadow is to periodically "renew our shadow vows." A few days before our wedding we had a wonderful ritual on the full moon ~ just the two of us. We called this our shadow wedding. During this ritual we acknowledged, named and offered all of our shadow parts in marriage. We wanted and still want our relationship to be a safe haven and a place where all parts are welcome. When we renew our shadow vows we notice how our relationship deepens and relaxes. This ritual is powerful and simple and makes our marriage a container for integration and alchemical magic!

Here are a few suggestions for working with your shadow and communing with yourself this season…

• Keep a book of shadows. This book is for compiling and recording art or poetry that moves you, your own drawing, dreams, collaging, reflecting and anything you are moved to include. When you spend time with the unconscious and listen ~ she speaks.

• Create a little altar for the unseen world. Include something that represents a shadow or unseen aspect of yourself. Have fun with this! When we work with objects and images we speak psyches language. These little rituals are powerful because they acknowledge the shadow and the psyche responds to symbol and ritual.

Some poems for the shadow 🕯

The Guest House 

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.
 

-Rumi

For the Unknown Self

So much of what delights and troubles you

Happens on a surface

You take for ground.

Your mind thinks your life alone,

Your eyes consider air your nearest neighbor,

Yet it seems that a little below your heart

There houses in you an unknown self

Who prefers the patterns of the dark

And is not persuaded by the eye's affection

Or caught by the flash of thought.

It is a self that enjoys contemplative patience

With all your unfolding expression,

Is never drawn to break into light

Though you entangle yourself in unworthiness

And misjudge what you do and who you are.

It presides within like an evening freedom

That will often see you enchanted by twilight

Without ever recognizing the falling night,

It resembles the under-earth of your visible life:

All you do and say and think is fostered

Deep in its opaque and prevenient clay.

It dwells in a strange, yet rhythmic ease

That is not ruffled by disappointment;

It presides in a deeper current of time

Free from the force of cause and sequence

That otherwise shapes your life.

Were it to break forth into day,

Its dark light might quench your mind,

For it knows how your primeval heart

Sisters every cell of your life

To all your known mind would avoid,

Thus it knows to dwell in you gently,

Offering you only discrete glimpses

Of how you construct your life.

At times, it will lead you strangely,

Magnetized by some resonance

That ambushes your vigilance.

It works most resolutely at night

As the poet who draws your dreams,

Creating for you many secret doors,

Decorated with pictures of your hunger;

It has the dignity of the angelic

That knows you to your roots,

Always awaiting your deeper befriending

To take you beyond the threshold of want,

Where all your diverse strainings

Can come to wholesome ease.

                     -John O'Donohue (1956-2008)

I am enjoying James Hillman’s audio recording available on Audible entitled the Alchemy of Psychology. Give it a listen to learn more about alchemy, alchemical marriage and Jungian psychology.